What if They Offer Me the Job?

OK...so I go to a job interview today; I'm a great fit for the job. And I'm afraid they'll offer it to me. But now I'm not sure I want a real job. What a dilemma! I need a job, but what I really want is to find the right job or not have a real job at all.

Then after choir today I run into a fellow choir member and we start talking about all the people who are working for themselves. Well there is a lot I can do, but I don't want to lock myself into one thing. I've thought about opening my own cafe with music of course and espresso, of course. I've thought about being a grantwriter because I've done that. I only applied for one freelance position and didn't get it.

I'm really a connector so I think, well--maybe I should be a recruiter. But the whole recruiter thing is really a headhunter and that just doesn't fit my values.

I could be an Executive Director, but I dont' want the stress. Then I've also thought about conference planning. I could start my own business, but I'm not sure that's the right direction either.

Then there's coaching, but that will take a lot of startup time.

Oy! What's a girl with so many options to do. I have to pay the mortgage! Enough whining--if I could just win the lottery (who me--I never even buy the damn tickets) I could do whatever the hell I wanted.

Next lifetime--I want to be a rock and roll singer.

Making Connections: 2 Degrees of Separation

What a wild day! I'm sitting on the bus across from an African American man that I recognize to be the same person who I met in the unemployment office 2 years ago. He's Zaid Abdul (can't recall his entire name) but he used to play for the Sonics. When I met him 2 years ago he was looking for a job as a counselor but he was also just starting to write a book about his life.

In my typical outgoing fashion, I say "sir, are you the same person I met in the unemployment office 2 years ago"....and is that the finished copy of the book you were writing about your life? He nods in agreement.

He's knows the bus driver and as he's walking off the bus mentions that he needs to find someone to write the music to a poem in his book. I yell after him, I know someone!

I talk to the bus driver who turns out to be this very interested dude who also is a playwright and also needs someone to write music for his plays.

Now for the most bizarre part. I call my friend up who writes music....she hasn't really done much with it yet, but it's what she does really well just not for a living. I tell her the story. She stops me and says "Lynn, I have Zaid's book and not only that M. knows him". That's her partner. "What", I say? How is this possible. Apparently he wrote most of his book at the library where M. works.

"So", I say to her, "when are you going to call him..this is just too big of a coincidence to pass up". "Tomorrow", she says. "Cool", I say. I can hardly wait to get the call back that she did it.

A Day in Court

In an attempt to collect my unemployment benefits, I asked my BBF Laurie to accompany me to the court for a hearing. I could never be a lawyer--everything is so procedural. I thought I did fine representing myself and it was great having Laurie there because she said so..and I always believe her when it comes to how people come across. Being denied your benefits is bad enough, but then having to prove that you deserve it can be pretty stressful. Mostly it was fine but it took 2 hours. Unbelievable. And in the end I was told because I was looking for both part and full time work that my benefits could be denied. Well I guess I gave it the good college try. What else can one do when faced with a mortgage and bills to pay and still no job after 3 months. The benefit is I probably would never have had my own blog or have the time to write and express myself in ways I never have before. So good for me!

Getting a Job-Finding Your Passion

So is work all that it's cracked up to be? I mean--can one really find a job that won't totally burn them out. I'm attempting to find that job right now and I'm not sure it's possible. I have so many questions spinning around in my brain about finding that elusive job or career that will both fuel my passion and not totally leave me lying on the ground with my face smashed in. How does a 50 something who is single make a career change without totally stressing herself out. I'm hopeful though that with the sleep apnea machine my sleep will improve and I'll be much more resilient then I am now. That I can actually handle a more demanding job that I love. And I want to work with people I really like. Now..come on..is that too much to ask? Maybe it is. But one can only hope.

The Little Red Hen

About 4 months ago I was hanging out with a friend near Greenlake at night and happened to poke my head into The Little Red Hen. I felt like I'd gone back in time or at the very least that I wasn't in Seattle, but in some bar in an out of the way place in Montana. Country Western all the way. I decided that I'd have to return to that place to really experience it. Last night I had my chance when I convinced a friend to go with me. A $5 cover was all it took to transport us back in time and place. We were no longer in the Greenlake neighborhood. Here there couples dancing country western style to crooning band called "The Swains". I spyed a pinpall machine in the corner. Oh Boy! I love pinpall. So I played a few rounds. It was the coolest machine; much better than the one I played in the basement of my dorm in college. The walls announced pulltab numbers while the beer kept on coming. I even got to dance although I fell when I took a dip because the guy I was dancing with couldn't hold on. My friend and I sat at a table with some 60 somethings. Hard to believe they were locals....we they weren't quite. Two from Everett and one couple from Kenmore. They had their war stories....one did literally....was an ex-navy man and pulled out a pic of himself at age 18 to prove it. Another had worked the oil fields in Alaska and has copies of huge checks to prove it. It was an experience I would never have expected to have in Seattle, particularly upscale Greenlake which is now surrounded by cranes and holes in the ground to announce yet more condos amongst the condos that are already there. The Little Red Hen--a gem among the swank stands out like a old black and white photo among the brightly colored ones that have been cut and sized on a machine from your digital camera. Let's hope it continues as a reminder of Seattle's past.

A Day at the Zoo

This was one of those stellar days in Seattle. Bright and sunny, crisp and cold. My friend Susan is a docent at the Zoo and gets free passes, so she offered to take me. I didn't want to pass up the opportunity so we went. She warned me to dress warm...I didn't listen and ended up freezing but in the meantime saw some pretty cool animals. My favorites were the gorillas. There was a 3 month old baby gorilla (not yet named), attached to it's mama Amanda. It was simply adorable. I pressed my nose up against the glass to have a moment of communion with another gorilla. How could we not be descended from them? It feels like they are looking into your soul. Last week I saw a program on PBS about one small town that wanted to incorporate Intelligent Design into the curriculum along with evolution. Come on! It was just a sneaky way of getting Creationist stuff into the classroom. The evolutionists won the court case, thank goodness! So there are a few holes in Darwin's theories. But it's better than a theory based on the bible. And who's to say how many actually days it took God to create the earth, let alone people. We don't know how long a day really was. I don't see the conflict. And I particularly don't see it when I start into the eyes of a gorilla who looks and acts so much like a person and carrys 99% of our DNA.

Helping Mom Buy Books on the Net

So my parents refuse to get a computer. OK...so they're in their 70s....but what kind of excuse is that? Plenty of older people have computers. So here I am with phone in hand....trying to do advanced searches for the 3 grandkids who live in New Jersey to find just the right books for each of them on Amazon...Ben, Tyler, Lara ..it's enough to drive one bonkers....

Now to be fair to my mother she did her homework and found some books by reading the newspaper that looked good....but then there was Ben...he only likes Star Wars..do you know how many books there are on Star Wars for 4-8 year olds?....about 25....so how does one choose?

Then being my parents they want free shipping...well, of course because it's the holidays you have to pay extra to get the dang books there on time.

I decided in the end..that today was not the day for doing this..."can it wait until tomorrow, mom"? Yes, but I'm getting my stress test tomorrow so not in the morning...."Fine", I say..whenever...

I shouldn't complain..I have parents that love me and it's a sunny day in the Northwest.

Menopause and memory; Samantha Who?

So I read in this book called Menopause and the Mind that says you can have these lapses.....when going through the big "M". Things like forgetting the name of someone you should remember.....or forgetting the names of normal everyday objects. Last month I could not for the life of my remember the name for dustpan....I just sat there and said to myself what is this thing called. I had a Doc once say that is was my mind searching for estrogen.....well I'm way past menopause now....so now I'm worried. I saw a menopause specialist today and she said I should see a neurologist. Oy! That's all I need. I can't imagine they will find anything. In some ways I feel fortunate..I never had the terrible hot flashes that I see my other 50 something friends going through..no ripping off of shirts in the middle of a dinner party.....so dripping sheets. However, having a poor memory at work really sucks. They tell you to do things like crossword puzzles to improve your memory. I hate crossword puzzles. I'd rather gouge my eyes out. Well, maybe I will see that neurologist just so my already anxious mind won't have one more thing to worry about. Anyway tomorrow all I have to do is eat Turkey...so I don't think that will require a lot of brain power...thank goodness!

Singing is Loverly

Although I was orignally not going to sing for the Luminary Event at Greenlake because I had guilty experiences from childhood from singing Christmas Carols in the 2nd grade....(being a Jewish girl and all) I decided I'm going to go for it. When I worked for a catholic hospital I had a guilty pleasure from singing carols and in some ways didn't really feel guilty because it was for the patients....now who is it for...well for the darn pleasure of singing that's all....guilt be damned!

Find Your Calling? Find a Muse!

So I have this new friend who has just catapulted her way into my life. It's not that I don't have friends but she is unusual. An amazing business woman and a great lover of life with a million interests, I feel so lucky. As she wants to help me figure out what I want to do with my life....you know the whole "find your calling deal". Here I'm 51, and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I do know my top strengths because there is a great book out there called, Now, Discover Your Strengths....I recently went to Amazon and found out that there is an updated version call Strengthfinder 2.0. Probably well worth the investment. For what it's worth my top strengths are Woo (Wins Others Over), Empathy, Communication, Connector, and Ideation. I'm still looking for the Thing.....and I guess I feel lucky to have found someone who wants to help me figure that out.

Sleepless Nights

It's been about a week now of wierd, hard sleep. Supposedly I have sleep apnea...OK I do...but there are people who get by with it and without the CPAP machine I'm supposed to be getting used to. I do know that I should be meditating or doing something else to calm myself down before I go to sleep. I wrote an article about a great technique on ehow.com. If you want to read it. Just go to the site and you can read all of my articles including the one on Grounding. Just type in tiferet in the search window and you'll find it. I have found it very helpful. I know I should be doing it, but I'm not.....too lazy I guess...too much on my mind. Trying to find my lifes work! That's really tough...but I know I'll find myself eventually....I have to..I'm already 51.